And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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