White coat. Heels.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
