I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
