and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
