god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
