Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
