DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
