Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
