I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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