it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
