she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
