Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
