It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We named our party play list daddy issues
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
