Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
