I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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