Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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