I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
