my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
