her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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