how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
