honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
