When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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