He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
