Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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