dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
