you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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