who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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