i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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