Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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