We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
