Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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