My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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