That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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