Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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