Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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