things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
