I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
