Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
