I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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