we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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