so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
