Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
