i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
