My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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