Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
