If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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