I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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