My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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