You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
