I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
