Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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