Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
