Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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