gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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