If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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