We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
