in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
