I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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