Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
