you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
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