She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
