i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You ate ashes out of my bong
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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