I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
