My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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