Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
