Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
