I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
