: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
