Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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