Where is the hickey?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
