My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
